Lindsey Scores with Se7en

Editor's note: Lindsey is a STAR at Immoderation Girls. Her alcohol enduced insights into popular culture will one day earn her an honorary doctorate. She is also damned sexy!

Er...anyway, (I am back from my cold shower). She did this masterful piece over at Immoderation Girls on a new version of Seven. And she challenged The Faithful to give their own responses. Here is what I posted there today.

Oh..and you have to read her article FIRST!

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Of course the beautiful and insightful Miss Lindsey has once again created a thing of pure genius while allowing it to have its own revolting ramifications…such as…

Paris has gotta have it, but because she is as smart as a bag of hammers will either be crushed by Shaq as he takes it to the, er…this is the term, Hole (No Boutros) OR by Michael Moore who will also be eating a five course meal as they hump away (ew…No Homo).

Either way, Paris is out first.

Federline is next. Due to his sloth we only see him occasionally in the show, always sitting in the same chair. We notice, in episode five (“The Fungi Strikes Back”) that a large mutant fungus has been slowly overtaking him.

Because Federline has been licking the backs of hallucinogenic frogs he thinks it’s Brittany. He is finally choked off trying to tongue the immense fungus (the title of Episode Five is an error as there is no second fungus…just the one, Later the fungus will use this as an alibi).

For the rest of the show, we see the fungus simply devour his body until only the fungus is left to sit and watch television.

By episode twelve (“The Kittens Get Spanked”), the fungus has taught itself how to use the remote.

In that episode, Ashley and Shannon get into a vicious cat-fight over one of them using the other’s hairbrush. Caught in a dual stranglehold they smash out of the top story window and are immediately co-impaled on a satellite antenna and the show loses its feed for 5 minutes while Fox employees (it has to be Fox) use a chainsaw to quickly remove them and restore the feed.

The two dead Posers are fed to the fungus.

That leaves the three men.

Moore is probably the smartest, so he attempts to bait Trump and Shaq into a heated argument. But it loses steam when Trump keeps saying “You’re Fired” because everyone knows Shaq has an ironclad contract.

Next, Moore tries dramatic irony and tries to viciously SHAME both men for their greed and narcissism into self-imploding suicide. He threatens to do a movie on each of them.

Stupid White Fat Ass Pricks 2 and Celsiuspride/32.

Surprisingly, this actually works on Shaq who has never had anyone talk to him like he had a “moral center”. In fact, Moore is so effective in his use of the ironic phrase “Moral Center” that Shaq realizes he is not the “Center” and his life-long position actually disintegrates and he falls dead to the floor just missing Trump whose hair simply gets mussed.

So it’s down to the big boys.

Trump isn’t gonna fall for any moral argument. But he cannot fire Moore because he’s an “Independent filmmaker”.

The show drags on with no sex appeal at all (the women are long since dead and both of these guys have serious style problems).

The fungus considers offers for a spin-off series, but the William Morris Agency balks in final negotiations and drops his contract. Unbeknownst to them, the fungus is one of the largest living organisms on earth.

http://www.abc.net.au/science/news/enviro/EnviroRepublish_828525.htm

As such, even though the show is being shot in Los Angeles, the fungus also resides in many places all at once.

The fungus has a beach house in San Diego, a Condo in Tahoe, and a timeshare in Seattle.

In a stunning move the fungus devours the 34^th floor of the William Morris Agency in Nashville in retaliation. But no one can prove it because the fungus uses the Rocky Mountains for cover.

Never Bet Against Trump

As ratings dwindle week after week we see Trump’s shrewd plan. He starts what he calls the “Trump Culinary Institute” and begins to create masterpieces loaded with fat, heavy sauces and cream.

By episode 37 (“As the Stomach Turns”), Moore is on the ropes as he balloons up to 600 pounds.

Then Trump, at his most evil, sells the “Trump Culinary Institute” and reinvests in the “Trump Pastry Outlet”.

Moore is deluged with rich pastries and finally dies choking on the world largest chocolate éclair.

They haul his body over near the fungus, who is repulsed and leaves the show to do celebrity appearances in Seattle, LA, San Diego, Lake Tahoe (in a lounge) but refuses to take any job East of the Rockies for reasons that stymie others.

Trump has once again, triumphed. But in a cruel twist of fate, he has lost his entire empire in a hostile takeover during the show. Fox News has stifled the ongoing reports to keep Trump in the dark.

All he has left is the Trump Pastry Outlet.

But the good news is, they have to wear hats.

For More MAUGHAM, go to

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