Fish & Chips Part 1

Jesus chip.
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He rolled over and looked at the digital read-out. 6:58.

It was getting dimmer outside and he felt hungry, dehydrated and a bit lost.

He groaned and slumped over the side. He felt alone. He was alone and had been so for six weeks. Since that time he had done his best Bill Murray imitation and lived in a sardonic mist of alcohol, old DVDs and the worst food he could find.

The night before it was a 5 pound bag of onion rings dipped in various decaying sauces from the fridge which was last cleaned during the Eisenhower administration. He didn't bother to bake them. He just nuked them until they were like a pile of brown seaweed. He had just slogged them in while watching The Kings of Comedy for the 40th time.

But that was yesterday and today had new challenges food wise. He knew he was getting fat and he thought it amusing. He had never been fat before. All his growing up he was the skinny kid. Had he been the fat kid, given how tall he became, he would have been a great offensive lineman...a walking wall.

But he was always skinny. Till now. He thought it very funny.

"I need chips," he said to the cat. The cat ignored him, then got up and hacked up a furball.

"I'm leaving," he said to the cat.

The cat paid him no mind once it was clear he would not step on her.

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The walk...