CoffeeHouse Diary 10: DDRAS

The Renegade Droid version
Flashback scenes show that C3PO was originally a hairstylist (R2-D2 was 3PO's professional styling caddie). In the Renegade Droid Version, C3PO is publicly ridiculed for his participation in the Princess' "Horns 'O Plenty" hairstyle debacle. When no one proves able to disassemble her braided pastry-like structures, the droids are arrested and scheduled for exile to the spice mines of Kesstle. The droids escape during the confusion of Vader's attack on their ship and plan to open a beautician's school in Mos Eisley. When 3PO and R2 discover rampant droid racism amidst the scum and tyranny of the space port, they hire mysterious stranger Han Solo to bust up the locals and restore order and commerce.

At the end of the film we see R2-D2, bitter and despairing over his lot in life, drinking himself to disassembly with gallons of WD-40 in his own private version of Leaving Mos Eisley.

The Mythopoetic version
George Lucas' own studies with Joseph Campbell aided in this classical re-casting of the male myth of Iron Obi-Wan. Young Luke discovers the "hairy man" (Chewbacca) at the bottom of a Sarlac pit and enlists his help. Chewie leads him to his "male mother," Iron Obi-Wan, who reveals that Luke's father, Darth Vader, and controlling twin sister, Leia, are responsible for abandoned him on the planet Tattoinne (which means "never-ending ball of dust").

After Luke, Han and Chewie have captured Leia from her father's death star and she says, "Will someone get this big walking carpet out of my way," Chewie demonstrates the "Rite of the Hairy Man" by ripping off one of Leia's horns 'o plenty. Luke follows suit, thus enacting the breaking-away ritual from his controlling twin sister. True spiritual masculinity is re-established when Iron Obi-Wan defeats Lord Vader in battle and Luke self-publishes his first chapbook of poetry, Stories my Father Never Told Me.

Next...er more foolishness...