Part two
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I turned off the boiling water (how did the bird do that?) and locked him in the cupboard with only a flashlight and a worn copy of Gulliver's Travels.
Next I scooped up Mr. Go-Go Head who tried to pinch me. Idiot.
I put my finger out to his half dehydrated body..."go ahead asshole, you wanna pinch me or get back in the water?"
"Water" he gasped.
"Okay, but next time you molt I'm gonna grab your little yellow ass by mistake and leave your husk on display."
(He cursed me under his mantles).
Twenty minutes later I feel back to sleep but was once again interrupted by one of those high-powered gas leaf-blowers outside my bedroom window; then the phone started to ring (about five times way before 7:30 a.m. which is the opening time for calls) and my neighbor knocked on my door wanting to borrow tools, and at 5:13 every morning the "Cheap Bird" wakes up and makes the most loud and obnoxious bird calls ever heard just outside my window.
"Cheap...Cheap...CHEAP!!"
Fuck. I am gonna get one of those wide Tennis rackets and go out there some morning at 5:13 a.m...no 5:10 a.m. so I can warm up and get limber. And when that damned bird comes swooping by screaming "Cheap" I am gonna hit him into the cheap seats in deep right center.
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